Uncle Bill gave me the nickname “Mud” when I was a little girl and I often wonder if he set the course of my life by doing that. He and I have always had a special bond, more like a father than an uncle, I wish everyone I know could know Uncle Bill.
It is with such a tremendous sadness that I type this next line: Uncle Bill passed away two weeks ago today. I feel like there must be something broken inside me because I still can’t believe he’s gone. I flew across this gigantic country, leaving Vancouver at 9:30 am on a Saturday and finally arriving in Marystown, Newfoundland by 1:30 in the afternoon on Sunday. It feels like it takes forever to get from one end of this country to another, especially when you just want to be there now.
I did at a reading at the funeral and after I said the first line I choked up, frozen in front of the congregation, reality suddenly hit me, “I’m speaking at Uncle Bill’s funeral.” The priest rushed over to me, put his arm around my shoulders and held my hand while I got through the rest of the reading. After wards I thanked him for his support, he told me he had just met Joan and Bill in April but something about them moved him.
And that is one of the nicest and most accurate things he could have said. Aunt Joan & Uncle Bill have this magical way about them that just makes you feel so welcome in their lives. They have a knack for making you feel so special & loved.
The world, life, everything just feels so different now, almost like this has all been a dream, or a terrible mistake but everything has changed anyway. Once again I am feeling so very far away from my family so I’m having a hard time. I got back to Vancouver on Monday and I’m trying to get back into the groove of things but it’s a bit of a struggle. I feel like I may never stop crying. (Though I’m sure Uncle Bill would think it would be “some foolish” for me to carry on like that.)
At some point I might share more about Uncle Bill but everything just feels so surreal and raw right now. Things will probably continue to be a little quiet around here while I catch up on making pottery and try to come to terms with having lost someone who meant so very much to me & my family.